Finding Sun in a Foggy Daze

Today, the kiddo was having a very rough time. 

Everything was setting her off. Her screams reverberated around our small apartment walls, her tears streamed down and left salty trails on her cheeks. Her face would redden, and even if momentarily I could calm her down, something else would be wrong.

Why?

Because there was not enough Honey Nut Cheerios in her bowl for snack time

Which then snowballed into rage over the way I was holding her. The way I was standing. Everything I did was an affront to my small human with the larger than life scream.

And all the while, as she held onto me and let loose the piercing shrieks into my ear, I held her. I rubbed her back. I sat next to her, and waited for the tempest of her temper to pass.

Slowly, surely...it did. 

And she fell asleep on me.

It was in that moment when I held her close to my chest and felt her head pressed against my chin that I felt my heart surge with bittersweet joy. Just four years ago, she was small enough to cuddle against my chest whenever I wanted. 

Then as the days passed, she grew. And the cuddles changed.

In that moment as I held her today, pressed against my chest, her spindly three-year-old legs splayed against me, I was grateful I didn’t miss her in that moment. 

She woke up an hour later, bleary eyed and grumpy and her hair pressed against her cheek. We cuddled some more, and then her mood lifted. 

While the world may be full of grief and pain, with loneliness and sorrow, today I am grateful. I am grateful that I was able to be that port in the storm of her world. 

And it was a reminder to me that even in the foggiest daze of sadness and rage, it shall pass. 

We must do all we can to cling to the moments that refill our hearts.

The sun rises, and the sun sets.